Carousel of Dismissals {Submitted by *A.B.M.*}

Feeling Dismissed

Today was a long day. I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 AM - so of course I missed my first 2 alarms. This lead to skipping breakfast and power walking to the bus stop. I finally got to meet my new psychiatrist. (Not to be confused with my therapist!) 

I can't decide how I felt about him as a whole. I'm trying to reserve judgement as it was our first encounter. However, something he said in the session bothers me. "The diagnosis doesn't matter - what matters is the treatment." 

I know he meant he was treating my symptoms - but it also felt like I was being dismissed because to me the diagnosis matters. Of course it matters when you realize the stigmas attached. The fact is because someone screams Bipolar in earlier years you just want to go along with it instead of checking. "It doesn't matter what you know, it matters what we do." Um...what I do is based on what I know. Thus, it does in fact matter. 

My family has a huge history of ADHD with Depression - which can read as Bipolar if you aren't paying close attention - and I feel this is more accurate. The mood swings I had, which could have pointed towards Bipolar Disorder, have largely dissipated without medications. I don't have swings half as bad as I did when I hit puberty. I haven't had a real swing in over a decade. 

I'm irritable all the time, yes - but I don't black out anymore. I don' physically - or verbally - attack anyone. 

I fidget, my mind races, I am constantly attempting to rewrite my mind to be more positive. Slowing down, however, is not an option. So I have a motor mouth that is almost, but not quite, as quick as my thoughts - why is that bad?

I have such over-the-top anxiety it sometimes acts as a leash. I have a specific place for everything - which gets mistaken as OCD by the "normal" people. I don't spend too much money because I'm terrified of being homeless again. (Although it would be far too easy for me to go broke if I'm in a good mood. Today proved that I am not always of the Self Control I strive for.) 

My anxiety isn't just social, mind you. I also tend to Catastrophize in my head. (Catastrophizing is expecting the worst, and then making it even worse with an impossible scenario - to be overly simplistic about it. Example: *Tony lost her house and kid because I didn't mail her a birthday card.* See? Ridiculous/Impossible/Extreme...) 

I can't learn to drive because I keep subconsciously referring to automobiles as "2 ton death machines" - not exactly a cheery notion. 

I'm tired of feeling dismissed like I don't know who I am. The one thing I've always known for sure is who I am. 

I hope you are all feeling loved and happy.

Thanks for reading. 

"Obesity due to Anxiety..." By: A.L.M.*

[Welcome to February of 2022, everybody. I promise this won't be about Valentine's Day, though. I originally posted this on my Personal Blog but decided to have this posted on here as well since the physical problem stems from some of my mental health issues.] 

I've had many signs that my already fragile health has been in decline since the pandemic started. I have not gone to see my doctor, however, due to the obvious risk of getting CoVid19 in route. As a pedestrian, I walk and take the bus everywhere I go. This usually doesn't bother me, but the more I tried to get things done this way during this issue, the more uncaring imbeciles I would encounter. Knowing how little our society cares about this very real problem is more than enough to have me embracing my inner hermit. 

The worse I got, the more clear everything became. I read an article where a man having heart problems was denied from over 40 hospitals, eventually ending in his death, due to every hospital being filled with Covid19 patients. It doesn't surprise me that our local hospitals are having the same issue. 

So it isn't really surprising that I went into denial every time my chest started hurting or I couldn't breathe. There are a number of people who'll read this and say, "Maybe it's a panic attack?!" I assure you, as I've had anxiety attacks from the age of 8 years old, I know the difference. 

I take my medicine as prescribed, and my vitamins if things get too bad, but today a new revelation occurred. Now, I've been a bit overweight ever since puberty hit me when I was 10. I became obese somewhere in high school. I've been battling this weight issue for over 20 years. Nothing works because part of it was originally due to my mental health. However, these past few years have definitely made things worse. 

On December 4th I discovered my weight is up to 332 pounds. This is the heaviest I have ever been, including my 2 pregnancies. Was I upset? Absolutely. I have no idea if I've lost or gained since then. I do know my clothes still fit, though...

This said, today was a new revelation. I knew I had gained a lot of weight, specifically in my torso, but I had no idea how bad it really was. I took one of my antacids, as I do when my heartburn and indigestion occurs, only to nearly choke on it. It lodged in my throat because I got distracted and tried to take it like I would my vitamins. My mother was kind enough to perform the Heimlich maneuver about 7 times before she gave up and handed me orange juice instead. I'm too big to properly Heimlich. This is a new low and a new nightmare bringing about a bunch of added anxieties I definitely don't need in my life. 

I realize this isn't helpful in any way, but I have been trying to get back into shape. However, when you have 56DD breasts and asthma on top of being over 30 with all the pain and disfunction that number adds to an already messed up body - is it any wonder I'm having difficulty?

Lazy Girl workouts have been added to my daily life, but having a 5 year old jump on my spine does not encourage me to do much. I had a workout buddy before the pandemic, but this solitude has not been helpful in this tiny hotel room. Have a wonderful day!

*Requested Initials rather than full-name disclosure.*

"What I See When I Look in a Mirror" - Jenny Alden

 Who I see is someone scared to love, have sex, and be involved with a bad relationship. 

What I notice is unhappy... with a fake smile. 

I laugh and I also smile and I daydream about being myself with others. 

I am scared. Most of my time, when I am alone, I visualize myself being someplace where I can breathe and let my walls down. 

I believe in my faith. 

And I hope my mom will help me out. I miss her. 

But I believe she is still with me, helping me out when I need her most.

 

"Three Things I Value About Myself" - Jenny Alden

 One:

I value myself. Just last year  I met this guy. I thought he just wanted to hang out, but I came to find out he just wanted to hook up. I felt so close to my husband; I felt like I couldn't date anyone else. When I realized he wanted more than just my friendship I panicked. Later on I knew I couldn't date him. I feel that I am saving myself for someone who I know will be loyal. I care about who I date now. If you are in the same boat as me, don't sink to their level. It hurts, but I am strong. So strong I have people compliment me on it. I am disappointed that he never respected me enough to wait, going so far as to manipulate me into doing stuff. I am valid and I am strong. I value myself when I respected myself and I value the fact I am hurt, but I know I will be okay. 

Two:

I value my skills. I am independent. I am strong. I am kind. I am sweet and thoughtful. I am honest. I am caring.

Three:

I value my independence. I take care of myself. I make and keep my appointments, which I keep track of by myself. I am outgoing when it comes to something I believe and have an interest in. And, most times, I have faith. Faith in the fact I am strong and will be okay. 

Submissions by Scott C. (part 1...)

***Life in the Old Days: 

Women would take clothes to the river and wash them. Fish and berries were the main foods. People didn't live in the cold parts of the Earth. People lived outside. Men planted seeds for food. women harvested food. 

Spending Money on a Day:

Going out to eat steak and eggs - and lots of coffee. Fill the car up with gas. Have the oil changed. go to Meijer and buy 4 pairs of new jeans, a winter jacket, and 3 sweaters. Underwear and socks, too. Go to Goodwill and buy $100.00 worth of ornaments and other odds & ends. Buy a new La-Z-Boy recliner chair. 

The Favorite Place I'd Like To Be:

I'd like to live in New York City if I were rich. The night clubs are open all night. Parties all the time. Right on the Atlantic ocean. I think they have good food at restaurants. Lots of people to make friends with. Having coffee at a restaurant in the morning in the cool of the city. It sounds relaxing and almost romantic. 

***Disclaimer: These submissions are opinion editorials and not to be confused with researched information. 

If I Had $50,000 - by Jenny Alden.

"If I Was Given $50,000" 

By: Jenny Alden

With that kind of cash, I would buy myself a 1 floor starter home. I'd save some of it

and grow interest. Iw ould donate some funds to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, Michigan. They have served my family a great deal. My husband and I owe them so much. Thanks, U of M! When, or if, I buy a starter home, I would make sure there was a studio out back. I'd put my kids in college so they can start life in a good manner. 

 

Julie R. ... you there?

 My favorite color is purple. Why is this my favorite color?

Because I like the way it looks me wearing it. And when I buy coloring books, I always color something purple. I like purple and it brings me out to look like a big grape. It brings back when I was in school. We always wore something purple. 

Written Submission by Julie R. Art Submission by L.V.G.

Prompt Responses (Bet You Missed These) {Family pt.1}

 In what way do you not fit in with the family you grew up in? Or, are you a perfect fit?

"Well, I wasn't around my family very much but we were all from different places. But we were from an all white background from London, England to America we were all poor trying to make it in this New World." - Lorrie W.

"I don't fit in because I speak my mind. I don't hold you with my mouth." -BabyGirl*

"They all have boyfriends and girlfriends. I do feel bad sometimes, and they have children. We all get along really well, though. I don't have a boyfriend or children, but I have a wonderful family." -Sheryl S.

Stereotypes |Prompt Answers| Continued...

 Describe a time when you felt you were unfairly stereotyped because of your age or any other characteristic:

"In my twenties I looked older than now that I'm 41. I like Rap music. People used racial remarks against me. Some people think that because I'm 41 years old, that I'm old. And they think because I smoke that my health is bad. Also, people think I'm fat and too big.  People accuse me of trying to be Black. Now that I'm 41 years old, I look like I'm in my twenties. They also say Asians are hort. And Bruce Lee & Jackie Chan. Also if people go walking at night they might get robbed. By the way, I had and Asian friend. My friend's name was John." -Leon B.

"I was stereotyped on a Thursday when my apartment building caught fire. I tried to call my supervisor early Thursday knowing she would be at work. She was not at work. I tried to get a hold of  another supervisor. She did answer the phone. I asked for emergency leave. She wouldn't grant my request. Stating it had to be granted from my supervisor.  I finally got a hold of my supervisor. She demanded that I come into work on Friday because she was leaving on vacation Saturday. She didn't understand that all my clothes smelled of smoke. The laundry room was on the side of the fire.  My PTSD and Depression was really bad on Friday. I got a newspaper Friday and showed it to my supervisor. She sort of believed me, but told me what I need to have done by the time she got home from vacation.  I got part of the two weeks worth of work done, but I feel she stereotyped me as a lazy person because I didn't get all of it finished.  It was about 6 years ago that she apologized for her actions on that day. My boss said that her actions during that time really bothered her.  I have seen her since, but I talk to her on Facebook now and then more than in person." -Deb G.

"It started when I was 7. I was a self-harmer. The doctor and other people stereotyped that I was doing it for attention, which made me upset. It just made it worse. The cutting went on until I was 21. I cut and cut because people did not understand my illness. It made me sad and upset. People looked at my scars and sometimes would stare. That makes me uncomfortable. Why judge me? It's not fair. Why stare at me? Judge your self. All the doctors look at the past history and not how I am doing now." -Fawnna C.

"I was 8 years old. I went to a foster care home and ran away all the time. So I ran from my problems all my life, never facing them head on. I'm older now and I've come to learn that won't solve anything. My problems are still there and I have been learning to use my coping skills to better my life. Also, I'm tired of running from my problems." -Julie R.

"I cannot think of a time I've been stereotyped, per se. Assumptions have been made by many people, but I don't give those people any of my time. The way I see it, if people can't take the time to know you - then their opinions aren't really worth my emotional investment. It can be annoying when people jump to conclusions, but if you let it get to you - you can't really enjoy your own life and that just doesn't make sense... In the words of Napoleon Bonaparte, 'Life is a battle; stand up and fight.'" -Alanda McRae.

Prompts From Jenny (With Her Answers!)

 List 20 Things That Make Me (You) Smile:

1. Putting on my makeup to start the day
2. Taking a nap with my cat
3. holding my cat
4. listening to music
5. playing on my computer
6. play games with staff
7. riding on the bus
8. money
9. my phone - I drop it & it didn't break! Yes!
10. My nail polishes
11. my paintings
12. shopping
13. my books
14. my music
15. my friends
16. my computer
17. my cat
18. sleeping
19. my skills
20. and my love for people who love me

What I Do When I Hear Voices:

1. Listen to music
2. I keep myself busy
3. I play games with my staff
4. I journal
5. I swing on the park's swings
6. I play and take a nap w/my cat
7. I play on my computer
8. I do crafts
9. I shop
10. I clean

Photography By: Alanda McRae
"Purple Irises"
2009

Autumnal Truths (Scott C.)

 "Fall" by: Scott C.

Trees, grass, flowers, shrubs, and other growths fall asleep before winter settles in. The trees lose their leaves and grow dormant. To me, it's a sign of death, Lives, emotions, thoughts, memories and more change - to a certain extent. The weather starts changing colder. The sky is overcast a lot. Sometimes there is snow and rain. 

"Living with Schizophrenia" by: Scott C.

Sleeping habits vary. Sometimes I sleep a lot and sometimes not. Eating habits vary. And sometimes we think food is poisonous ☠ because of the way it looks or smells. Also, we smell things other people don't smell. Little tasks are sometimes hard. Like making our beds. And to take a shower. Cleaning our room might take hours to finally feel up to getting around and doing it. Pain is also a big factor. Voices are annoying and make it so we can't rest. Forgetfulness is also a part.  

Coldwater Park @ Coldwater, Michigan, USA
September 24th, 2010
Photography by: Alanda McRae

Diabetes & Low Blood Sugar |Lorrie West|

|Diabetes by Lorrie West|

Living with diabetes has been hard for me. Taking pills and shots every morning and night. Poking my finger for blood for the meter. Reading my meter every day and writing it down so I don't get sick or have high sugar. Or have low sugar. I sure hope I get better and don't have to take shots. It'll be great when that happens. 

Diabetes:

Low blood sugar - you might get low blood sugar {also called hypoglycemia) if you

• Take certain medicines
• eat too few carbohydrates
• skip/delay meals
• take too much insulin or diabetes pills
• are more active than usual

Signs and symptoms - Here's what may happen when your blood sugar is low.

• Shaky / The shakes
• Sweaty
• Dizzy
• Sudden behavior change
• hungry
• weak/tired/fatigue
• headaches
• nervous/upset

If low blood sugar is not treated it can become severe and cause you to pass out. If low blood sugar is a problem for you, talk to your doctor or diabetes care team. 

It is possible to have hypoglycemia without developing diabetes. 

Stories by Sheryl S. | August Edition

Dick & Jane

Dick and Jane were good friends. 

They went to school with each other and played and had lots of fun. 

Dick and Jane played games and were good little kids in school. Dick and Jane loved each other very much. The End... ["Ha ha!" says Dick and Jane's mother.]

The Tree House

Tommy, Robbie, and Tim climbed into the treehouse fast.  This is where they shared their hopes, dreams, and secrets. 

It was a treehouse they built 6 years ago.  As the years flew by they ate there, partied there, and brought their women there. 

Robbie walked away, older now, shook his head and smiled. Then he cried. The days of innocence were gone. 

The End... 

The Maple Tree

The neighborhood kids gathered around the Robertson's old maple tree.  Mrs. Robertson gave all the kids chocolate ice cream cones. You should have seen the look on their faces. 

Ha ha! Funny!

The kids talked of teachers they liked and disliked, and what they would be having for lunch in school tomorrow.  They told ghost stories, and talked about the haunted house down the street. 

It was getting dark, and they all decided to go home. 

Better day than Charlie Brown and his friends had.  They all went to bed with chocolate faces. 

The End... 

Stereotyped Continued... {Prompt Answers}

Describe a time when you felt you were unfairly stereotyped because of your age or any other characteristic:

"When I started coming to Human Behavior Health Services, I had recently been admitted to the Psych Ward of Oaklawn Hospital. I used to chant to myself to keep my every-day going. It wasn't a list of what I needed to do - it was one specific thing. But it helped. I was lashing out at my body in strange ways. Cutting. Not eating. Spacing out. And then the chanting wasn't helping. So I allowed the admittance. Because I just didn't know what to do anymore. So I spent 18 days in the Psych Ward trying to figure out what I already knew, that I was schizophrenic. It runs in the family, so it felt like a waste of time. Then I was suggested for after-care therapy. I am grateful for it, but it seems an inconvenience for both parties." 

-Julia P.

"When I was a freshman in high school, I was an outcast. I thought I was an outcast because I didn't fit in simply. I loved, loved, loved my music. I think people thought I was a rebel based on that and after school I didn't study. I went to the fort me and a few friends made and I smoked my cigarettes. I'd skip school and go to a friend's house. But I wasn't trying to be a rebel, I was just being wild and free - not dangerous or anything at all..."

-Scott C.

"I am unfairly stereotyped because I'm on disability. I am diagnosed Bipolar, PTSD, and I have a seizure disorder. People (my family) assume I don't work because I'm lazy. The family doesn't understand. They don't try to understand. They don't know my details and I haven't corrected them. So, they make up rumors to spread behind my back.. It's hard to describe a specific time because it's been ongoing for years. They won't help me when I need it because they don't believe I try to help myself."

-Melanie P.

Click to read Part 1... 

(I'm not a fan of part one, but I don't think too many folks are. Keep an eye out for part 3 - yes, there are even more answers waiting to be posted. I feel this particular prompt is something many people can relate to because everyone is assumed to be something for some miniscule reason at some point in their lives...)

Mistake Prompt Answer 2.0

WHAT IS A MISTAKE PEOPLE OFTEN MAKE ABOUT YOU?

"People often make the mistake that I'm stupid, especially my family. Today's society is go-getter money-oriented. Money doesn't motivate me. That doesn't make me stupid, it just means my priorities are different. I don't define success with dollar signs.  My children and my art are my priorities. When I'm dead, they will be my legacy.  Guaranteed with four children, my legacy will last longer than someone working double shifts to buy an Xbox. I want my art to live on, too. I hope it lives on long after I'm gone. So, I put my energy into my children, mot just buying them things, but teaching them. I put my energy into painting, with each painting my skills improve." -Melanie Peine.

Mistake/Assumptions {Prompt answers}

What is a mistake people often make about you?

"They mistake me for being somebody else." -Lorrie W.

"That I'm nice and a pushover. And you are *not* going to use me." -Babygirl*

"When they think I'm still lying about things, but I'm just trying to better my life." -Julie R.

"That I don't know what they honestly think of me." -Scott C.

"Some say I'm a troublemaker, but I'm not. In high school they told me not to try out for baseball because they thought I wasn't good enough. I'm really forgetful and I am, kind of. I like birthdays and other holidays, but they say I waste my time. I see new movies at the theater or on DVD... I don't ignore the world." -Leon B.

"People assume, because I keep my emotions to myself, that I just don't care about anything. However, I'm really just wary about perceptions, reactions, and general liars." -Alanda M.

"They don't believe that I suffer from a mental illness. They don't believe that I played softball and volleyball for 20 years when I was younger. They don't believe I have written 3 poetry books - and sold them. They also don't believe I'm writing a novel now." - Deb G.

Highs & Lows *Prompt Answers*

List Your Highs and Lows of this Month and a Good Habit You'd Like to Start:

"My high was walking more. My low was losing *another* love. No good habits come to mind." -Babygirl*

"I've been feeling pretty good this month. One of my lows would be I haven't been eating healthy like usual. So I would like to start eating healthy on a more consistent basis." -Epifanio Ibarra

"My highs this month were getting all of my 'small goals' accomplished, and being amused by my grand-kids. My lows were having my van break down *again*, so I'm back to public transport and begging friends for rides. A good habit I'd like to start is to get more organized with my writing. I'm not comfortable doing a journal right now, but if I can keep up with the writing prompts that I bring to my groups, it will be a step in that direction!" -Lyn McRae.

*Name(s) changed as requested upon the submission.*

Truly Happy *Prompt Answers*

Write about the last moment that made you feel truly happy:

"Walking in the door and my grand-kids were so happy to see me. Just because I'm their Ooma. I was home with them and they could talk to me and read to me and sing to me and play Trains with me and hug me. Their little faces just lit up, because Ooma's home." -Lyn McRae.

"I always feel happy when I'm with my boys. They're happiness and excitement is contagious. They make it seem like the entire world is bright, even when it's dreadful. We watch cartoons together, play with their toys, draw... My oldest is only 6 years old but he's not only an amazing artist but a lover of music, and I'm glad for it. My little one is nearly 4 years old and can dance better than I ever could."
- Lillian Smith.

Empathy in an Apathetic World [by Alanda.]

I used to believe in love. I have nothing figured out. I've become jaded and dark.

No matter how emotional I get in my life, it all evens out in the end. 

I used to believe that. I was never in a place where my kindness and empathy wouldn't get me where I needed to be. Now, however, I feel like these traits are just roadblocks. It seems everyone I know is only getting by because they've cut themselves off from the moral sides of emotional health. You have to be a hateful, spiteful, and selfish type just to get anyone to take you seriously.

It doesn't matter that I went to college. It doesn't matter that I'm creative and talented. It doesn't matter that I'm nice to everyone - even when I want to scream at the top of my lungs. None of these things matter to anyone because they don't come with job experience.

It isn't like I've never worked - but they want taxable jobs.
I'm great at what I do - even if I hate it.
I'm a hard worker and I never quit.
However, my references aren't exactly easy to get in touch with. I understand that being an issue... but shouldn't there be someone who lets me get a chance to show my work ethic?

I feel like I'm constantly being kicked in the ribs and I'm already on the ground scrounging for a sign of hope as it is.

What has this world become?

Winter Blues by Lorrie W.

As the cold winter has me stuck inside, I'm trying to watch my weight and thinking about joining a gym. But the cold walk changes my mind. My mood has been a little moody with not much to do - a little blue. My mind has been, too. I'm trying to change my eating habit sense I have diabetes and that's been a little hard. Trying to lose a little weight but you know in the winter we all seem to put that weight on. Missing my kids and grandkids even though two of my kids I haven't seen since birth and it's been like 20 years since Chris and me were together. Will it ever come together again? I'm really not sure how to get with the two younger ones and they were adopted or taken from me. Only God knows the answer, I guess...