Carousel of Dismissals {Submitted by *A.B.M.*}

Feeling Dismissed

Today was a long day. I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 AM - so of course I missed my first 2 alarms. This lead to skipping breakfast and power walking to the bus stop. I finally got to meet my new psychiatrist. (Not to be confused with my therapist!) 

I can't decide how I felt about him as a whole. I'm trying to reserve judgement as it was our first encounter. However, something he said in the session bothers me. "The diagnosis doesn't matter - what matters is the treatment." 

I know he meant he was treating my symptoms - but it also felt like I was being dismissed because to me the diagnosis matters. Of course it matters when you realize the stigmas attached. The fact is because someone screams Bipolar in earlier years you just want to go along with it instead of checking. "It doesn't matter what you know, it matters what we do." Um...what I do is based on what I know. Thus, it does in fact matter. 

My family has a huge history of ADHD with Depression - which can read as Bipolar if you aren't paying close attention - and I feel this is more accurate. The mood swings I had, which could have pointed towards Bipolar Disorder, have largely dissipated without medications. I don't have swings half as bad as I did when I hit puberty. I haven't had a real swing in over a decade. 

I'm irritable all the time, yes - but I don't black out anymore. I don' physically - or verbally - attack anyone. 

I fidget, my mind races, I am constantly attempting to rewrite my mind to be more positive. Slowing down, however, is not an option. So I have a motor mouth that is almost, but not quite, as quick as my thoughts - why is that bad?

I have such over-the-top anxiety it sometimes acts as a leash. I have a specific place for everything - which gets mistaken as OCD by the "normal" people. I don't spend too much money because I'm terrified of being homeless again. (Although it would be far too easy for me to go broke if I'm in a good mood. Today proved that I am not always of the Self Control I strive for.) 

My anxiety isn't just social, mind you. I also tend to Catastrophize in my head. (Catastrophizing is expecting the worst, and then making it even worse with an impossible scenario - to be overly simplistic about it. Example: *Tony lost her house and kid because I didn't mail her a birthday card.* See? Ridiculous/Impossible/Extreme...) 

I can't learn to drive because I keep subconsciously referring to automobiles as "2 ton death machines" - not exactly a cheery notion. 

I'm tired of feeling dismissed like I don't know who I am. The one thing I've always known for sure is who I am. 

I hope you are all feeling loved and happy.

Thanks for reading. 

When People Think I'm Fine... [submission by A.B.M.]

 November 29th, 2021

I hold a pen above the paper, confounded by the lack of creativity stemming from my mind. Every thought and feeling has become so censored, it is as though I've become numb. Like a limb has lost circulation, and you feel cut off from everything out of nowhere... I watch the sun reflect off the metal clip on my pen, staring absurdly at the light rainbow which appears on the wall and paper. I look around, a stranger amongst odd surroundings. Will I ever get my footing in this world? Is there really a point?

-Alanda. 

An Experience of the Mental Health System... {Please share yours in the comments!}

 I come off to people never the way I intend. However, having been called "combative" for using direct quotes seems beyond ridiculous. Yes, I am a defiant and oppositional person - mostly because I think for myself rather than rolling over for everyone else's beliefs. 

Needless to say, this is the kind of thing which triggered one hell of a deep-seated rage. I promise when I get combative in truth rather than your misconceptions and judgements - I'm not hiding behind notes and writing. I get in your face and am quite vocal. 

What is the point of this post, you may wonder. Simple. I shouldn't have to defend my O.D.D., Anxiety, A.D.H.D., and Autism to people who are supposed to be experts in the field of mental health! 

Now that I've ranted a little and gotten that out of my system - the comment section is open for more experiences to be shared. The truth needs to be shared for it to be corrected. 

Wishing you all a better day,

~*A.L.M.*~

"What I See When I Look in a Mirror" - Jenny Alden

 Who I see is someone scared to love, have sex, and be involved with a bad relationship. 

What I notice is unhappy... with a fake smile. 

I laugh and I also smile and I daydream about being myself with others. 

I am scared. Most of my time, when I am alone, I visualize myself being someplace where I can breathe and let my walls down. 

I believe in my faith. 

And I hope my mom will help me out. I miss her. 

But I believe she is still with me, helping me out when I need her most.

 

Self Motivation- By Melanie Peine

 Three things I did yesterday to bring me closer to my dream were checking my Facebook, forcing myself to paint - even though I didn't feel like it, and setting that timer!

Checking my Facebook helps nudge me on track because I am friends with someone that does a drawing every single day. Seeing their posts reminds me it's time to get to work. 

I am trying to make a routine of drawing or painting everyday. Some days I don't feel like it. Yesterday, I forced my butt off the proverbial couch and got to work. 

I set a timer to paint by. Sometimes, if you are really having a hard time getting motivated, a timer is the way to go. 

"Three Things I Value About Myself" - Jenny Alden

 One:

I value myself. Just last year  I met this guy. I thought he just wanted to hang out, but I came to find out he just wanted to hook up. I felt so close to my husband; I felt like I couldn't date anyone else. When I realized he wanted more than just my friendship I panicked. Later on I knew I couldn't date him. I feel that I am saving myself for someone who I know will be loyal. I care about who I date now. If you are in the same boat as me, don't sink to their level. It hurts, but I am strong. So strong I have people compliment me on it. I am disappointed that he never respected me enough to wait, going so far as to manipulate me into doing stuff. I am valid and I am strong. I value myself when I respected myself and I value the fact I am hurt, but I know I will be okay. 

Two:

I value my skills. I am independent. I am strong. I am kind. I am sweet and thoughtful. I am honest. I am caring.

Three:

I value my independence. I take care of myself. I make and keep my appointments, which I keep track of by myself. I am outgoing when it comes to something I believe and have an interest in. And, most times, I have faith. Faith in the fact I am strong and will be okay. 

Submissions by Scott C. (part 3)

***Pain:

Small pain is "normal" a lot of times and is brushed away as being just a little thing to be acceptable. When pain starts to be a little bit more than usual, it's thought of more but isn't to the degree of being a worry or loss of hope. It makes itself known. When pain starts to be a lot of the time, if you have hope - it hasn't gotten you to the point of being totally unable to cope and you're in need of a doctor. If pain starts to get excruciating and last for hours on end, you lose hope and you're no longer in control of certain types of your brain centers. 

Jungles:

Jungles have lots of different types of lives and lots are dangerous. It rains a lot. there are lots of trees, plants, flowers, shrubs, ferns, bushes, and more. There are lots of different types of insects like centipedes, wasps, bees, flies, and more. There are monkeys, chimpanzees, gorillas, and they swing on vines that are abundant on trees and even when they fall from a high distance they don't get hurt often. They eat bananas and other fruits. there are lots of deadly snakes and wild pigs, dogs, lions, tigers, and such. Dangerous to other kinds of lives. People shouldn't venture into jungles. 

States of Big Purpose:

Florida, where old people go to retire. It's a state people like because of the weather, Disney World, Sea World, and the house of presidents are big attractions. 

Rich people have their yachts there. It's known for deep sea fishing, surfing, and tanning. The Florida Keys are well known. 

The Rocky Mountains in Colorado and other states are big attractions to take pictures and go camping, fishing, hunting, and hiking. 

California is big for Hollywood making films, music, and turning out comedians. There are places that have places with perfect temperatures, and Disneyland gets big business. Fishing is big, too. 

Michigan is big for the car industries, especially in Detroit. The Cereal Capital of the World is in Battle Creek thanks to Post, Kellogg's, and so on. Michigan is also known for Dog Food and pharmaceutical drugs. Plus, that old song about Kalamazoo. 

Being Poor:

Men and women sometimes share the same room of an apartment without the landlord knowing. People shop at Dollar Stores and other low price stores and look in ads of the local Shopper. They go to Charitable Union for clothing, household appliances, and other things. They also frequent garage sales and yard sales. If they can get a pick-up truck, they can scan the streets for things have metal and go to the scrap yard. Finding odd jobs, shoveling snow, cutting grass, janitorial work... getting food stamps. Go to churches for free meals. Picking up returnable containers. Asking churches how to make money. Sometimes checking the junkyard for free furniture... It's hard out here. 

***Disclaimer: These are strictly opinions of the writer and not to be confused with Researched subject material. 

Submissions by Scott C. (part 1...)

***Life in the Old Days: 

Women would take clothes to the river and wash them. Fish and berries were the main foods. People didn't live in the cold parts of the Earth. People lived outside. Men planted seeds for food. women harvested food. 

Spending Money on a Day:

Going out to eat steak and eggs - and lots of coffee. Fill the car up with gas. Have the oil changed. go to Meijer and buy 4 pairs of new jeans, a winter jacket, and 3 sweaters. Underwear and socks, too. Go to Goodwill and buy $100.00 worth of ornaments and other odds & ends. Buy a new La-Z-Boy recliner chair. 

The Favorite Place I'd Like To Be:

I'd like to live in New York City if I were rich. The night clubs are open all night. Parties all the time. Right on the Atlantic ocean. I think they have good food at restaurants. Lots of people to make friends with. Having coffee at a restaurant in the morning in the cool of the city. It sounds relaxing and almost romantic. 

***Disclaimer: These submissions are opinion editorials and not to be confused with researched information.