*TW!* Sensitive Content ((Poetry))

 #FREE K3$HA: BY VailByNature*

If he wasn't in power,

if the judge didn't wanna be out in the how,

maybe if they knew what we'd been through

they wouldn't do this to you. 

Maybe if he gave a damn

about more than what's in his pants

he wouldn't put you through hell.

Time will never tell.

If he was a woman

instead of a so-called man,

he'd be in jail - it's a fact.

But that "Y" forces you to keep to your contract.

Sad to say this is the normal;

no one stands up against evil.

If your genitalia's external

it's just too easy to destroy the soul.

Women everywhere, we need to take a stand;

we need to stick to our demands.

Destroy this misogynistic bullshit society -

It's passed time to set the Victims FREE...

*Pseudonym*

Happy Valentine's Day...

Valentine Pals, Gals, & DILLIGAFs:

By: Alanda McRae

Remember Readers to check in with your loved ones this month. I, myself, spend Valentine's out with my girls watching whatever horror/suspense film is in theaters. We eat pizza or tacos (there's a coin toss involved, usually) and we do not drink alcohol. Why risk a drunk dial to an ex who is definitely an ex for a reason? 

Love is great when you're in a relationship - but not everyone has that and why should any of us be made to feel bad for that? There is nothing wrong with trying to find a partner (or partners) worthy of us. Just remember to be the best version of yourself you can manage and everything will fall into place. 

Also, for any Ace/Aro people reading this, do not let society try to gaslight you with this holiday into feeling anything less than valid. I personally believe the best parts of relationships have nothing to do with the bedroom activities - cuddles and dragons with a side of support and affirmations are really all that matter. Although, sometimes "I love you" can be overrated if not completely unwarranted. I sincerely hope everyone finds what they're searching for in life - though not necessarily on society's unsolicited timeline. 

* Happy New Year, Happy New Lunar Year, and also - Happy Valentine's Day!*

December Blues

 It's December, that time of year when there's a holiday nearly every week. Families are going to see Santa at the mall. Parents are trying to make a grand gesture through capitalist propaganda for their children's happiness. In addition, the weather is making everyone this side of the Midwest just a bit stir-crazy. 

Cabin fever is a real problem when there's snow up to your waist and you can't even shovel your driveway, let alone get out of the house. It's even worse when you have no family or friends to check in with. 

Please, check in on that elderly neighbor or single millenial next door. Invite them to yours if you're able. Maybe send them a card so they feel less alone this holiday season. 

November is in Full Swing

 It's Native American History Month and Thanksgiving is on its way. Here's hoping we're all respectful of our indigenous brethren - as we should be all year. I'm grateful for my family and friends being in my life, but sometimes I'm just grateful for a moment of silence. What are you grateful for this year? 

"Secrets I Hide" (Poetry)

 Floating and I can't come down.

Smiling to hide my frown.

A control freak losing hold of my tether. 

Waiting for the sun to shine down in stormy weather. 

Losing all my feathers as I fly,

drowning the world as a I cry.

Twisted up in the possibilities

as I lose touch with multiple realities.

Rocking side to side, 

lost in a train of thoughts.

These feelings are bona fide. 

In a web of them, I'm caught. 

Like my body and mind

speaking different languages and can't communicate.

Hoping to soon find

help with this string of Fate. 

Earthquake of emotions bringing me down.

Waterfalls of ideas but I don't make a sound.

As I swipe away these tears I've cried,

I remember these are just the secrets I hide...

~A.~

October Birthdays

 10-3: Michael R. , Darcy S.

10-15: Donald M. (Jr.)

10-29: Sheryl W.

10-31: Joanna W.

Carousel of Dismissals {Submitted by *A.B.M.*}

Feeling Dismissed

Today was a long day. I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 AM - so of course I missed my first 2 alarms. This lead to skipping breakfast and power walking to the bus stop. I finally got to meet my new psychiatrist. (Not to be confused with my therapist!) 

I can't decide how I felt about him as a whole. I'm trying to reserve judgement as it was our first encounter. However, something he said in the session bothers me. "The diagnosis doesn't matter - what matters is the treatment." 

I know he meant he was treating my symptoms - but it also felt like I was being dismissed because to me the diagnosis matters. Of course it matters when you realize the stigmas attached. The fact is because someone screams Bipolar in earlier years you just want to go along with it instead of checking. "It doesn't matter what you know, it matters what we do." Um...what I do is based on what I know. Thus, it does in fact matter. 

My family has a huge history of ADHD with Depression - which can read as Bipolar if you aren't paying close attention - and I feel this is more accurate. The mood swings I had, which could have pointed towards Bipolar Disorder, have largely dissipated without medications. I don't have swings half as bad as I did when I hit puberty. I haven't had a real swing in over a decade. 

I'm irritable all the time, yes - but I don't black out anymore. I don' physically - or verbally - attack anyone. 

I fidget, my mind races, I am constantly attempting to rewrite my mind to be more positive. Slowing down, however, is not an option. So I have a motor mouth that is almost, but not quite, as quick as my thoughts - why is that bad?

I have such over-the-top anxiety it sometimes acts as a leash. I have a specific place for everything - which gets mistaken as OCD by the "normal" people. I don't spend too much money because I'm terrified of being homeless again. (Although it would be far too easy for me to go broke if I'm in a good mood. Today proved that I am not always of the Self Control I strive for.) 

My anxiety isn't just social, mind you. I also tend to Catastrophize in my head. (Catastrophizing is expecting the worst, and then making it even worse with an impossible scenario - to be overly simplistic about it. Example: *Tony lost her house and kid because I didn't mail her a birthday card.* See? Ridiculous/Impossible/Extreme...) 

I can't learn to drive because I keep subconsciously referring to automobiles as "2 ton death machines" - not exactly a cheery notion. 

I'm tired of feeling dismissed like I don't know who I am. The one thing I've always known for sure is who I am. 

I hope you are all feeling loved and happy.

Thanks for reading.