October Birthdays

 10-3: Michael R. , Darcy S.

10-15: Donald M. (Jr.)

10-29: Sheryl W.

10-31: Joanna W.

Carousel of Dismissals {Submitted by *A.B.M.*}

Feeling Dismissed

Today was a long day. I didn't get to sleep until after 3:00 AM - so of course I missed my first 2 alarms. This lead to skipping breakfast and power walking to the bus stop. I finally got to meet my new psychiatrist. (Not to be confused with my therapist!) 

I can't decide how I felt about him as a whole. I'm trying to reserve judgement as it was our first encounter. However, something he said in the session bothers me. "The diagnosis doesn't matter - what matters is the treatment." 

I know he meant he was treating my symptoms - but it also felt like I was being dismissed because to me the diagnosis matters. Of course it matters when you realize the stigmas attached. The fact is because someone screams Bipolar in earlier years you just want to go along with it instead of checking. "It doesn't matter what you know, it matters what we do." Um...what I do is based on what I know. Thus, it does in fact matter. 

My family has a huge history of ADHD with Depression - which can read as Bipolar if you aren't paying close attention - and I feel this is more accurate. The mood swings I had, which could have pointed towards Bipolar Disorder, have largely dissipated without medications. I don't have swings half as bad as I did when I hit puberty. I haven't had a real swing in over a decade. 

I'm irritable all the time, yes - but I don't black out anymore. I don' physically - or verbally - attack anyone. 

I fidget, my mind races, I am constantly attempting to rewrite my mind to be more positive. Slowing down, however, is not an option. So I have a motor mouth that is almost, but not quite, as quick as my thoughts - why is that bad?

I have such over-the-top anxiety it sometimes acts as a leash. I have a specific place for everything - which gets mistaken as OCD by the "normal" people. I don't spend too much money because I'm terrified of being homeless again. (Although it would be far too easy for me to go broke if I'm in a good mood. Today proved that I am not always of the Self Control I strive for.) 

My anxiety isn't just social, mind you. I also tend to Catastrophize in my head. (Catastrophizing is expecting the worst, and then making it even worse with an impossible scenario - to be overly simplistic about it. Example: *Tony lost her house and kid because I didn't mail her a birthday card.* See? Ridiculous/Impossible/Extreme...) 

I can't learn to drive because I keep subconsciously referring to automobiles as "2 ton death machines" - not exactly a cheery notion. 

I'm tired of feeling dismissed like I don't know who I am. The one thing I've always known for sure is who I am. 

I hope you are all feeling loved and happy.

Thanks for reading. 

September Birthdays

 2nd - Uilliam W.

19th - Amanda W.

21st - Aiden R.

21st - Kara H.

28th - Travis L.

August Birthdays

 Aug. 1st - Julia P.

Aug. 14th - G Scythe

Aug. 16th - Ella B.

July Birthdays

2nd - Athena K.

6th - Jon M. / Jennifer S.

7th - Oscar T.

9th- Shannon R.

12th- Sharon S. 

16th - Brenda W.

17th - Thomas (TJ) N. / Jayla P.

19th- Karen H.

21st - Kristen D.

22nd - Alisha H. / Nitia G. 

23rd - Dawn G.

29th - Sharon F.

30th - Erika S. 

When People Think I'm Fine... [submission by A.B.M.]

 November 29th, 2021

I hold a pen above the paper, confounded by the lack of creativity stemming from my mind. Every thought and feeling has become so censored, it is as though I've become numb. Like a limb has lost circulation, and you feel cut off from everything out of nowhere... I watch the sun reflect off the metal clip on my pen, staring absurdly at the light rainbow which appears on the wall and paper. I look around, a stranger amongst odd surroundings. Will I ever get my footing in this world? Is there really a point?

-Alanda. 

An Experience of the Mental Health System... {Please share yours in the comments!}

 I come off to people never the way I intend. However, having been called "combative" for using direct quotes seems beyond ridiculous. Yes, I am a defiant and oppositional person - mostly because I think for myself rather than rolling over for everyone else's beliefs. 

Needless to say, this is the kind of thing which triggered one hell of a deep-seated rage. I promise when I get combative in truth rather than your misconceptions and judgements - I'm not hiding behind notes and writing. I get in your face and am quite vocal. 

What is the point of this post, you may wonder. Simple. I shouldn't have to defend my O.D.D., Anxiety, A.D.H.D., and Autism to people who are supposed to be experts in the field of mental health! 

Now that I've ranted a little and gotten that out of my system - the comment section is open for more experiences to be shared. The truth needs to be shared for it to be corrected. 

Wishing you all a better day,

~*A.L.M.*~